What do you do if you love someone who doesn’t love themselves?
It’s probably a question we have all asked ourselves, but… Unless you are right in it, perhaps even if you’re not in love with the person who doesn’t love themselves, the question may not hold much of your attention.
We all go through phases where we love ourselves and phases where we struggle with our self-esteem. We’re not always going to love the shadows we’ve brought into our lives any more than the light we’ve brought will stay. All I know, is that at the end of the day, we have to go to bed with the idea that it HAS to be better tomorrow
But what if you love someone who doesn’t believe that? What if you love someone who believes only the worst will happen? What if they believe no matter what they do, life won’t change? What if they even believe there is no point in changing because it would be a waste of time? What if they believe they are destined to be nothing: nothing good, nothing of what anyone wants, nothing of what anyone needs, nothing that will make a difference?
Well, this is what you need to do:
1. You need to tell them you love them! Don’t hesitate. Don’t stumble on the words. Tell them. Make sure they know you love them. All of them! Flaws and strengths, laughter and tears, everything! You love them unconditionally!
2. Make sure they know you support them. This means you will be available when they need to cry at two AM. You can, and will, help them plot out goals and priorities. Find them resources, give them pamphlets and research options. They are feeling hopeless and unloved right now. They NEED to know they have a support system.
3. Push them. Help them to see what might be comfortable right now, isn’t what is best for them in the long run. Explain and explain again. Point out the potential they have. Ask them the tough questions. Help them answer those same tough questions. Take notes for them. Help them to think beyond the endlessness they are feeling.
4. Be patient and caring. The person you love is dying inside right now. They are being torn apart into a million pieces and it is really quite difficult for them to see that there is a light at the end of this very narrow and long tunnel. Make sure they know you are there for them. Make sure you make your physical presence known because, often, just telling someone you are there doesn’t cut it; you need to show them.
5. Be consistent. Tell them you love them; tell them they are worth it; remind them of their goals; remind them it is possible; remind the THEY ARE ENOUGH!
It is hard to watch someone you love and care for have to go through tough times, but rest assured, you have the ability to help and guide them through it. Be there, and love them. That’s what they really need right now ❤